More Brother Stuff

Some caring people have asked me how I have handled the situation with my brother; well, trust me on this – I have given this a whole thing a bunch of thought and consideration over the years. Having a bachelor’s degree in Speech Communications and a minor in Conflict Resolution, I thought at first I should be able to handle this thing easy. But, none of the usual techniques worked. I tried to understand things from “his perspective”, but that was hard – too hard. It was beyond my imagination to see through his hating eyes. I tried to go through our parents, mutual friends and through my sister to find out what his problem is; he wouldn’t talk to me and when he did it was to tell me to “Fuck off!” So I stopped trying to talk to him and I backed off to give him space. On his Birthdays I would send a card and sign it, “Love Your Brother,….”. Same with Christmas and his Anniversary – Nothing. Finally I stopped that too. Always I prayed that something would make things right between us, but it never did.
One of the things he thought that I owed him was an apology. What?? I’m sorry I’m gay? Like I woke up one morning and said to myself, “I want to start having sex with guys!” “I want to embarrass my brother to the point that he won’t talk to me for like five years or so!” Yeah right! Apologize my ass!! I like who I am and I enjoy being gay. Sure it has its difficulties sometimes, but I think I am a good man, love deeply and passionately; I am loyal and support my friends. I served my country in the military and even got awarded and an honorable discharge. What do I have to apologize for?
But then I got diagnosed with the brain tumor thingy. The night before the surgery where they were going to cut my scalp open with a Ginsu knife and then drill into my skull with a Makita Hole Saw and scoop some goop out, I couldn’t sleep – go figure. So I stayed up all night and wrote the “Just-in-case” letters to some friends and family. The one I wrote to my brother I told him that I loved him and that I forgave him. I also told him I would not ever apologize for who I am; I also reminded him that he was my brother and always will be and the door was always open for him if he should choose to let this thing of his go. That was almost two years ago. Not a word has been shared between us. We live in different states and that facilitates our “relationship” nicely.
I know I have written a lot of sad stuff over my last couple of blogs. These are things that are happening in my life, but that doesn’t mean it is my life. Despite the crap I have described, I am very happy and content. I date, play in a band, have a good time. I think the hardships I have gone through and am going through are making me a better person. I hope to write some happier stuff soon. This weekend I will be going to the Redwoods for the weekend with friends which should be great!
So, thanks for listening – love you all.